Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
