Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
