my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
