the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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