My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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