Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
