i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
