I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
