the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
