I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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