her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
