So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
