Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
