I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
