hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
