I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
