everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize