Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
