you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
