Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
