I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
