I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
