you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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