John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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