There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
