I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
