There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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