WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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