do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
