I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
