I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
