my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
