Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
