I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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