Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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