it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize