Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I CAN MOONWALK!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
