How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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