We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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