There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
