We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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