she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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