I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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