soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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