Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
whose ass print is on the piano?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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