Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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