also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
