i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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