I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
