I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
