New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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