Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
