Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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