If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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