who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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