2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
