the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
