i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
