do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
