So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think your dad took our porno
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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